Katie Ann Czerwinski

Considering my blog is about daily intentions, capturing aw-ha moments and reflecting on the events around me, I decided to take an extra few minutes this morning to write about my sister Katie- after all she is a guiding light behind my daily intentions.

When I was 5 years old, Katie Ann Czerwinski joined our family and made me a proud big sister. We shared a pink flower room filled with dolls and princess toys. At the time, I didn't understand that Katie had a serious health diagnosis and her routine tube feedings and our trips to the hospital had been normalized. Despite overhearing that Katie might never be able to walk or talk, my own childhood innocence prevented me from seeing Katie as handicapped. My brother Dave and I treated her like any siblings would- I remember on Saturday mornings we used prop her up in the bean bag chair to watch the Price is Right with us and we even dressed her up for Halloween as a little California Raisin.

Twenty-one years ago today, February 3rd, my brother and I were staying at my Aunt Amy's house for the night and our parents had planned a big Cheap Skate Birthday party for the following morning. Feb. 3rd was exactly half way between my birthday and my brother's birthday so it was going to be a joint roller skating bash. However, that morning at 3 am we did not wake up to balloons but rather the sad news that Katie had died in her sleep. I clearly remember that moment and the image of tears in my parents eyes.

Years later, I still reflect on Katie's life but its not centered around her death or the sadness. Sometimes...I catch myself wondering what it would be like today to still have a sister. I see the joys of sisterhood around me- sharing clothes, dating stories and all of the wonderful moments reserved just for sisters and I can feel the loss. Then, I think about Katie's life, no longer from the perspective of a child, and realize that a life without the ability to walk, communicate or share emotions is not the quality of life I wanted for my sister. I am also reminded that despite Katie's "handicap" her life had more meaning and influence in her 2 years than most could have in a lifetime.

For me and I know for my family too, Katie's life continues to influence our daily intentions. My dad and I are runners and sometimes during our 5:45 am classes, I would thank god for the gift of running and for my inspirational father. My mom and I work with families struggling for various reasons and our empathy, compassion and drive to make change is guided by Katie and the strength she gave us. My four Brothers, Dave, Billy, Matt and John, get together as often as possible and while playing football in the lake or downhill skiing, I take a step back and thank god for 4 brothers that bring so much love and joy into my life.

On days like today, as I plan my agenda, I think of ways I can honor Katie's life. Today, I will keep a lookout for someone who needs a smile, a laugh or a hug. I will work with compassion and purpose. My daily intention February 3rd 2011 is to honor Katie Ann Czerwinski by counting my blessings and using them to their fullest.