My Introduction to Motherhood

My previous post on February 20th happened to be the same day we met our little baby Calvin. I was not feeling great that morning and thought I was coming down with some sort of flu bug. I had finally decided to stop trying to "self induce" by walking the treadmill, bouncing on the yoga ball and testing out all the old wives tales. I asked if Dan wanted to meet me at noon for lunch at Whole Foods and immediately upon perusing the deli counter, I was hit with my first REAL contraction. I knew this one was not like the others and told Dan that we had to go home. But then the pain stopped and I felt okay so I changed my mind and started looking for my lunch. This happened about 2-3 more times before I finally told Dan that I officially had to leave but still wanted him to grab me a Jamba Juice.

I had driven separately and I think Dan secretly thought this was another false alarm so we both decided it was safe to just meet each other at home. During my 1.5 mile drive home, I had two contractions that probably could have caused an accident (warming- don't drive while in labor!). I knew Dan would be a few minutes behind me so I immediately called my mom when I got home- as if she might be able to ease the pain over the phone. At this point, the contractions were strong, every 3-4 minutes and lasting about a minute so I knew we had to get to the hospital soon even though I had imagined laboring for hours at home. When Dan got back with the Jamba Juice in hand, I told him to get the bags in the car and be ready to leave. He was moving WAY to slow so my tone might have shifted to be a bit more demanding.

On the drive to Fairview Southdale, I remember feeling like Dan was going over every possible pothole and told him to take a different route! We got to the hospital at 2:00 p.m. and checked in to the maternal assessment room to see if I was truly in labor. It didn't take them long to realize I was and that things were progressing really fast. By the time I walked down the hall, I was already dilated from 4 to 5cm. I got an epidural and was SO relieved to finally take a deep pain-relief breath around 4:30 pm.

Details between the hours of 4:30-9:58 are better told in-person (wink faced emoji inserted here)

Calvin Jack Gustafson was born that night, February 20th at 9:58 p.m. My first words after his birth were "cry little guy cry" as I eagerly waited to hear his first breath and healthy lungs. If I close my eyes now, I can still feel the warmth of his little body against mine and tears dripping down my cheek as I studied every little inch of our baby Cal. I can recall my first look into Dan's eyes that communicated our immense joy for our new family of three.

The following few days getting to know our little baby involved every possible emotion. SO much love also brought worry, anxiety, happiness, vulnerability and exhaustion. We struggled in the beginning with breastfeeding and now I feel like I could write a whole book just on my journey lactating (not that anyone would want to read it)! Fortunately, I was surrounded by my amazing husband, mom, dad, in-laws, family and friends to help reassure me that I was good enough to provide this little guy with all he needed.

Little burp face

I am not one to sugar coat things and could also write a few chapters about all the things that surprised me after birth. Not sure why so much focus is on creating a birth plan when really it is a postpartum survival plan that is most important. But, like other moms, we soon forget the delivery and postpartum challenges because enormous love has that effect.

Sleep when the baby sleeps

First day at home

11 weeks later and SO in love with baby Cal

The last 11 weeks have truly been a blessing. Some nights I get excited for him to wake up just so I can hold him and see his smiles (but NEVER wake a sleeping baby because sleep is SO priceless). Watching Dan read to Cal, exchange smiles and sway in the moby melt my heart. Seeing our parents fall in love with Cal and the joy he brings into their lives gives grandparenting a whole new meaning to me.

This weekend we celebrated motherhood and I got a chance to both honor my own introduction into this lifelong adventure, as well as thank my mother for all the love, joy, sacrifice, selflessness and kindness she has shared with me. I am humbled by my new role as a mother and will continue to thank god for giving us the privilege to be parents.

Mother's Day Weekend Trip to the MN Zoo! 

My first Mother's Day 

Mill City on Mother's Day

Cal, farmers market and scones= LOVE

Surprise Mother's Day visit with Grandma Vicki

Surprise Mother's Day visit with Grandma Rebecca 

False alarm- uncensored

We had our 40 week appointment on Wednesday. The doctor gave us her standard response which usually includes awkward sensory words to describe my cervix like stretchy, soft and ripe. Baby's heart rate sounded good and I was still measuring 2 cm and 80% effaced. After listening to what sounded like the previous weeks updates, she then started to talk about being induced. I have such mixed feelings about being induced and although I am starting to feel desperate for this little guy to be born, I worry about induction. I am not excited about having my water artificially broke and wanted to avoid pitocin if possible because that can snowball into other issues. However, I don't want to birth a 10 lb baby and know that I am going to have to trust the doctors recommendations. Before leaving, I got a membrane sweep (cervix scraped) which is as uncomfortable as it sounds. The doctor said this can help induce labor and to expect a little cramping.

At about 1:00 a.m. Thursday morning, I woke up with contractions. They were stronger than the braxton hicks I had been getting but still not strong enough to call the doctor. I began timing the contractions and between 1-4 a.m. they averaged 40 seconds long and 8-10 minutes apart. Then around 4 a.m they slowed down and I slept a bit before waking up at 5:00 when I decided to walk on the treadmill. Everything I was reading was telling me to keep moving, walk and stretch. So I did and the contractions started up again. This on and off again pattern continued all morning. I finally called the nurse in the early afternoon and she was very helpful. She told me that I needed to rest, take a bath and conserve my energy because it was most likely going to be a long journey ahead. She sounded pretty confident that I would continue to progress and even had my charts sent over and said she would keep an eye out for me coming in later in the night.

So, I took a bath, rested and tried to just let my body tell me what to do. After dinner Dan and I watched another movie (we have seen so many movies lately) and during the 1 1/2 I had a few contractions. They were the kind that feel like bad menstrual pain that requires tylenol to focus but not the kind of contractions that send you to the hospital. I tried to explain that to Dan but just have no reference for helping him understand what this all feels like.

I feel been feeling a bit discouraged and frustrated so Dan and I talked about all the positives to keep things in perspective. I also read a few online "What to Expect" messages from the February message board. I haven't found this message board all that helpful in the past but this time it was really helpful to read about other moms having similar experiences. Some wrote about 2-3 days of this pattern or even going to the hospital and being sent home. They talked about feeling embarrassed for thinking it was "time" or bad for family and friends that are also pending on baby's arrival. If anything, reading other mom's testimonies reminded me that this whole experience is unpredictable, out of my control and unique to each mom.

I have put myself out of my comfort zone many times. I remember surrendering all control when I arrived at my tiny Peace Corps village with no established place to live, little Spanish and complete culture shock. I know that when I ventured down to get my MBA in Georgia, I had to again, allow myself time to adjust, surrender a little control and remind myself that it will all work out as is should. Perhaps this is just another test getting us ready for the unpredictability of parenthood. After all, I have never heard a mom say pregnancy, birth or parenthood was easy but they all do say it is worth it!

So, counting my blessings this morning and finding time to regroup, re-energize and relax.

Positives to focus on

• Pregnancy isn't a permanent condition and no matter what, he is coming out by next wednesday
• I am healthy
• Baby appears strong and healthy
• My body IS preparing and doing what is supposed to do before birth
• I have an incredible support system of family, friends and co-workers cheering for us 
• We are pregnant and get to be parents
• I get to meet Dan for lunch today (but that does mean getting out of my pjs)
• We might have another baby-free weekend and Dan sees this as a chance to paint the basement (not sure this is a positive in my mind)
• I get to rest and catch up on lost sleep 

What to do when you hit 40 weeks!

We are coming up on 40 weeks this Tuesday. We have had our bags packed and everything ready to go for the last few weeks since the doctor said "any moment now!" Lie! I have been 80% effaced (out of 100) and 2 cm. (out of 10) dilated since our week 38 appointment.

40 Weeks on Tuesday! 

People keep saying that we should enjoy the down time and relax. I don't disagree- that sounds great but with each passing day I am getting a little more impatient and anxious. Over these last few weekends we have walked Ikea, Mall of America, Costco and Babies R Us several times to help move things along but also to distract ourselves and avoid sitting at home staring at our packed bags and empty nursery. I know its best for baby to reach full term and now we have so I would appreciate him to come soon! 

I told Dan today that we should have picked up a new hobby to master this month since our usual pastime of running is not as appealing. He was sick with the stomach flu this week (not fun!) and I am content with walking being my exercise.

My mom cooked a ton of meals for us to eat after baby arrives (we might sneak one before then!) so cooking isn't on my to do list. However, I did decided to bake a few things this weekend. I made Dan chocolate covered peanut butter truffles and made myself lactation cookies to increase my milk supply once baby arrives.  

I researched a ton of lactation cookie recipes and the ones that looked the best required baking. I didn't think that made sense because the research showed that the brewers yeast dies when cooked above 100 degrees. I am sure baked cookies would still have some of the nutrients but most blogs (not a lot of science out there on this topic) said the raw cookies were more effective. Dan and went to one of our many neighborhood brew shops to learn more and I asked one employee if he could guide me in the right direction for which kind of yeast would be best for lactation cookies. I am pretty sure I am the first person to ever ask him that question and still not sure he even understood what I was asking. Dan hung back a little and I heard him laugh a few times at the awkwardness of my inquiry. Anyway, I found some brewers yeast and decided to go with a no-bake recipe just to be on the safe side. 

Baking lactation cookies! 

Getting the ingredients ready for the cookies 

Used the Vitamix to grind up the oats, chia and almonds

I pretty much made up the recipe based on the Urban Tour post run cookies we have weekly. The recipe included the following but measurements are not exact. 

2 C ground oats

2 Tbs. ground chia seeds

1/2 C ground almonds 

1/2 tsp salt

2 Tbs Brewers yeast 

3/4 C applesauce

1 1/2 C peanut butter
1/2 C sugar

Stir in Chocolate Chips, Rice Krispies and a whole oats until the texture looks right. Chill and store for baby feeding time.

Finished cookie/bars

I sampled them and thought they were pretty good but I bet this will be the only cookie Dan will not eat. Not that it has some weird female-only hormone injected into them but just because of the name. Works for me! 

Lastly, here is a little video that I thought I would never post because it is kinda creepy. Baby g is SOOOO active. This video doesn't even show the half of it. He is usually the most active at night and likes to push really hard on my bladder and ribcage. Yep, time for him to kick outside of my belly! 

Nursery!

Dear baby g,

You still don't have a name but you have a nursery! I spent lots of time trying to find just the right mix of patterns and decorations while dad spent weekends painting, hanging shelves, and assembling furniture. My favorite part about your nursery is that it is a collection of something old, something new and something borrowed (but no blue)! The crib you will sleep in has been borrowed from your cousins Timothy and Teresa. The skirt and pillows were handmade by grandma vicki and the little mobile I made months ago! My friend Gretchen sewed your little black and white blanket which coordinates perfectly with our geometric black and white theme (important details that may be more for mom than you!)The chair is new and I have a feeling we will have lots of time to bond and rock in it late at night while feeding or reading Dr. Suess books from grandpa Greg (or whatever name you two settle on).  The little animal photos are from our friends Aaron and Bryan- your dad really liked those since he is an animal fan as you will soon learn. The books are from a collection of amazing people who are also excited to meet you soon. Your uncle Dave got us a video monitor so we can spy on you and listen to your little baby sounds.

A cozy place that we hope mesmerizes you to sleep

So many books and stuffed animals from family and friends

A collection of my favorite nursery art

Baby moccasins- your first gift we bought on our anniversary trip up north

One of your first photos

Baby supply station

Our glider where we may spend many hours

And, if you are afraid to sleep alone in your nursery, we have a little co-sleeper for you. You could sleep in it in our bed but that sounded like a crowded mess so grandpa Ken made a little stand for the sleeper to sit next to the bed or move into the living room. According to my latest read on sleep habits, you can co-sleep without creating bad sleep habits until around 6 weeks and then we need to help you learn to self-soothe or all three of us might never sleep.

Grandpa Ken's bassinet stand design with storage! 

In addition to your nursery, we got your stoller assembled, car seat installed (gift from G&G Ken and Rebecca), and lots of swings and toys handed down from the Gustafson cousins! All of your clothes, linens and baby shower gifts have been washed and folded for you to pee on!

So, as you can see, we are as ready as we can be for your arrival. No rush....but it might be in our best interest if you come before week 41 because after that the doctor will start doing unpleasant things to get you out.

Lastly, I can tell you that your mom and dad already love you more than we could have imagined. My eyes tear up when I think of all the love and laughter you will share with us over the years. I know there will be hard days to come and when those days arrive, I will remind myself that it is temporary. We are so excited to meet you and pray you arrive healthy and strong. I have some birthing goals and everyone tells us to just be flexible but that is not one of my top 10 traits. However, the main goal is that you arrive with a powerful cry, robust lungs and a healthy heart. Also, your uncle Dave doesn't want to share his birthday but Grandma Rebecca, Broder and St. Valentine are okay sharing. However, I think you should come on the 6th so Dave learns to share.

We love you and see you soon!!
Mom and Dad

Baby g's Shower

This post is long over due! Our baby shower was January 10th and hosted by my aunt Leslie and mom. It was such a fun way to celebrate and so special to have so many people there to support us as our family of two soon becomes three!

The baby shower crew did such a great job decorating, coordinating food and making it a great party and special memory for Dan and myself.

Adorable decorations! 

Incredible hosts! 

It was a couples shower so we didn't do the typical shower activities but rather had a delicious taco bar, happy hour drinks and one icebreaker game. The game was fun and I saved our answers to look at years from now!

1. What is baby g’s due date? (Feb. 17th)
2. What did Krista crave most during pregnancy? (Salt and Vinegar chips, Ravioli, Summit)
3. What has been Dan's favorite part of the pregnancy? (Feeling baby g kick)
4. What color is the nursery? (Grey, black and white)
5. What is Dan most afraid of when caring for a baby? (spit up)
6. What will be one of Krista’s best parenting traits? (Vicki said it is Krista's sense of adventure)
7. What will be one of Dan’s best parenting traits? (Rebecca listed his caring, kind, thoughtful....)
8. What fruit or veggie is the baby this week? (pineapple)
9. One trait you hope baby g gets from Dan (patience according to Krista)
10. One trait you hope baby g gets from Krista (kindness according to Dan)
11. What strange keepsake does Krista want from birth (encapsulate placenta)
12. What hobby will Grandpa Ken teach baby g? (Wood working)
13. What activity will Grandpa Greg teach baby g? (water skiing)
14. What activity is Dan excited to teach baby g? (Hockey)
15. Where will Krista and Dan take baby g for Saturday lunch? (Costco)
16. Was baby g’s first athletic shirt Badgers or Gophers? (Gopher jersey)
17. What did Krista make for baby g? (mobile)

It was so nice to have a mix of friends and family at the shower. My college roommates, Amy and Megan, drove from Wisconsin as did my aunt, uncle and cousin. 

Mom, Cousin Emily, Me, Aunt Amy, Cousin Meghan

I also loved seeing all the other baby bumps at the shower! Only captured two of the many bumps! 

Friend Gretchen pregnant with a baby boy! 

Friend Jen- baby Reece is now 2 weeks old! 

Dan and I are so thankful for all the nice gifts and blessed to have such a supportive circle of friends and family. I admit I am getting nervous for this next phase and start of parenthood but knowing there are a lot of people I can call for non-judgmental, caring and helpful advice is comforting. Today I am almost 38 weeks and can't believe we are going to be parents any day now.

Additionally, Friday afternoon my incredible co-workers also hosted a bowling party/baby shower for me. My Community Education family has been so supportive and I appreciate their excitement and understanding as I waddle around the office! Can't wait to introduce baby g to my colleagues!

MCE baby bowling shower! 

#surreal #readyornot