Forget tomorrow, live today

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished project, time still to be served, a debt to be paid and degree to achieve, a job to land. Then my life would begin.

Then it dawned on me that these obstacles were life and that I couldn't wait for the perfect moment for everything to just click (adopted from Alfred D. Souza).

We are always transitioning, changing and growing...but we must appreciate and accept where we are at the present moment.

Today I will accept my flaws and honor my strengths. I will tell my support network I love them and thank god for all his blessings. I will try and make the day a bit easier for someone else and put my job sulking aside! Most importantly, I will get out of this house, away from the job search engines and go have fun playing broomball! Yep, its the little things in life that make us smile!!

Oh, and I today I got an interview! Not an offer, not a dream job proposal, just an interview. But I will take it and celebrate it!

I think it was due to Rebecca's sunny flowers she gifted me! It provided the optimism I needed!!

Christmas blog in January!

Well, I guess I was too busy celebrating the holidays to write about them and the past few weeks I have spent sooo much time on the computer searching for a job, that I couldn't get myself to sit and blog.

So- quick recap of the Czerwinski holiday celebration....
Christmas eve we usually begin at my dad's house since I have 3 younger brothers and we like to still pretend Santa is coming. Lets admit- its just more fun for everyone that way! During the day we took advantage of the snow-less Christmas and played some ice hockey on the perfectly smooth lake. I mostly just skate around which was I guess obvious based on the fact that people told me I was holding the stick the wrong way!

In the evening we went to a candlelight church service followed by a nice dinner of beef sandwiches.These past few years my dad and I have gone to Costco beforehand to plan out the menu. We were quite proud of how well the crock-pot beef sandwiches went over this year considering we have a large spectrum of picky eaters. We also didn't wait until the last minute to shop this year and since I am unemployed, I offered to wrap all the gifts (that was before I really realized how big of a commitment that was!) so everything came together pretty well in the end.  Overall, especially compared to a few previous holidays spent in the hospital for random events, this Christmas was calm and relaxing.

The morning is always my favorite because we have our traditional homemade cinnamon rolls (which turned out only mediocre this year so I need to stick with the old recipe) and multiple cups of coffee while slowly opening gifts from each other and Santa.

Later in the afternoon we usually go to my mom's for a big dinner and we open gifts later in the night. My mom went way overboard with food (as usual) and made a turkey, ham, twice baked potatoes, famous tequillaberry salad, rolls, and of course dessert. This year we had brandy cake and cookies. She even told us to bring Tupperware for leftovers and we brought home food that lasted a week! My mom truly creates a Christmas wonderland with tasteful, elegant and well coordinated festive decor. The presents are perfectly wrapped with matching shiny bows! Everyone gets PJs to wear and way too many gifts (even though we are all adults now). I guess she needs some grandkids to spoil. This year I got a mixer and a handmade apron. It was by far the most relaxing Christmas ever and so wonderful to know I didn't have to rush back to Georgia after for school. I felt so blessed with a healthy happy family holiday!

After Christmas, the family time continued as we drove up to Michigan's UP for a ski trip at Indianhead. We all love skiing and its a great way to spend a family vacation since none of us can really sit still.

Dave and Dan

Bill and Matt

 We were so grateful to have been invited to stay with the Andrews at their cabin. They invited my dad but we still aren't sure they realized we were a family of 7!?!? I have four brothers and Dan came along too. When we arrived they were all quietly reading by the fire and then our spitfire family took over the quietness.

Lots of fire-cooked s'mores

Jessie the cutest cabin dog! 

Bill, John and Krista

David and Elizabeth 

The Andrews cooked every night so we ate well on chili, breakfast burritos, spaghetti, ice cream, cookies, s'mores... and the list goes on. After skiing we had appetizers, played cards or games, had some cocktails and warmed up by the fire. It was like vacationing in a winter holiday greeting card! They were amazing gracious hosts and I especially enjoyed having women around too since I am always way out numbered.

Cabin Trivia 

Tequillaberry Salad recipe

http://www.food.com/recipe/Tequillaberry-Salad-68042

Gustafson Christmas

I think the Holiday extravaganza is coming to an end after weeks of celebrating with all sides of the family. A few days after I arrived in Minnesota, we had our first Christmas celebration with the Gustafson family. Both Dan's sister and brother's family were there so the house was filled with little kid laughter and Santa excitement.

Before the gift opening, the kids dressed up and acted out the Christmas Pageant as Maria (Dan's sister) read aloud. Abby, the oldest of the little ones, ran the show with her memorized lines and angel animation! 

Teresa- our little sheep! 

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=25837fe51f737c2a2f762628e38c6d8e&sid=0AaN3Lhi5YsWKibC

Post pageant we opened gifts. This year, Cars, Minnie Mouse, Buzz Lightyear and American Girls appeared to be the hot trends. I was glad to be this years elf and loved shopping for the kidos- especially Abby since it meant a trip to MOA and the American Girl store. I have more doll stuff than I should admit to and I probably appreciate them even more as an adult! 

After gift opening we had a nice dinner, dessert and then worked it off with a "Let's Dance Wii" marathon. Its harder than it looks but watching the kids dance along and hearing their giggles was the highlight of the day. I think we repeated the hamster dance well over 10 times! 

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=04267af1078037cdf12f12eb75ef82b5&sid=0MbtGzlmyZukg

It was a great Christmas celebration and I was so thankful to be here this year knowing I didn't have to rush back to Atlanta. Minnesota has always been home but its finally starting to feel like one again after years of rushed holiday visits and school breaks. 

Fiona posing for Lisa

Dan reading to Timothy and Fiona

Peace Corps leaves Honduras

Over the last few days, my facebook inbox has been filling up with email chains about the suspected removal of Peace Corps from Honduras. Current volunteers serving in Honduras said that they were told they would be allowed to finish there service but now it appears they are being sent home or relocated as of January.

I can't put into words how sad this is for volunteers and the host country. Peace Corps has been sending volunteers to Honduras since 1963 and the 5,500 volunteers have countless projects and friendships with the people of Honduras. I feel a bit guilty that as Americans, we can just pick up and leave the unsafe "war zone" but my friends and past co-workers are trapped in the unsafe, jobless and impoverished country. 

When events like this take place, we all focus on the bad, the dangerous and the news worthy...but of course not all of Honduras is unsafe. For the most part, I felt very comfortable in my town and NEVER once was I robbed, attacked or even truly threatened within El Negrito. However, due to the nature of Peace Corps, I had to travel often for workshops, regional meetings and programming logistic. I also had to go to the nearest city  (2 hours away) every month to withdraw money to pay rent and buy groceries. It was usually during these travels that my heart-rate would go up and my general anxiety would increase. Consequently, during my 27 months in Honduras, I did see a lot of violence and probably more dead bodies than most Americans in a life time. 

I witnessed a brutal machete attack while taking refuge in a cheese store bathroom. I remember Max holding the door shut with all his might and the woman next to me kneeling by the toilet praying. After what felt like forever listening to the horrific and mysterious attack, we emerged from the bathroom to find the entire store covered in broken glass and blood. At the time, I thought the man probably had a gun and I was convinced we were also going to be kidnapped, shot or attacked. 

Baptism ceremony after losing a baby unbaptized 

Then of course there was the man that shot himself while twirling a gun outside the Internet cafe in my town. It was my 26th Birthday and I was just leaving the cafe after reading nice messages from home. I had my hand on the door and was only feet away from the man when he dropped his gun which bounced off the curb, went off and shot him in the leg. I switched into damage control mode and tried to cut off the blood flow by asking a stranger to remove his shirt and tie it around his leg between his heart and the wound. As the man went into shock, I thought for sure we would lose him but the nearby doctor was able to save him before he lost too much blood. SO many people in Honduras carried guns and my stomach would turn into knots every time I saw one.

The violence however didn't stop at the borders. When a group of us went to have a fish lunch in Panama, we witnessed a shooting just a few hundred feet away. I remember Molly yelling "get down" as we all hit the cement, threw some money at the waitress and ran to the car to evacuate the area as soon as possible. 

My girls youth group

Over the years, I can't even count the number of dead bodies I saw from car accidents, occasional shootings and random deaths. There were lots of stories of people getting attacked on buses and sometimes it felt like a game of Russian Roulette when traveling. Well, maybe thats an exaggeration but I can say that I felt like I was always pushing my luck. 

With all of that being said...I guess I am not surprised Peace Corps is leaving for now but I hope and pray the country improves soon so we can reenter the country. I will be thinking lots this Christmas of all the volunteers and Hondurans grieving the separation. 

Malnourished baby Darwin at the Nutrition Center

Peace Corps Tribute by Rachel Papernick

A Small Peace - Reflections on the Peace Corps from Rachel Papernick on Vimeo.

Christmas appetizer

My new favorite appetizer is veggie pizza using a Pillsbury crescent base with veggie dip, cauliflower, broccoli and carrot. I used a cookie cutter to make the design.

Fun, healthy and tasty!

MBA Graduate!

Tonight I took my very last grad school final- what a relief! I managed to stay calm and collected as I packed up my things but as soon as I got alone in my dark quite car- tears started streaming down my face. Tears of relief, exhaustion, joy, and pride. 

For me, grad school was a huge sacrifice that required me to move across the country leaving behind friends, family, familiarity and of course- Dan. When I began the grad school application process, my relationship was new and my independent and unattached inner-self led me to believe moving to Georgia for 2 years was a good idea. And it was a good idea- full scholarship with a stipend and an independent research fellowship working with the Guatemala Community Project. It sounded like a perfect fit. 

However, it wasn't long after I got here that my adventure turned into an incredible challenge that required me to reflect everyday on my intentions, purpose and inner strength. Luckily, my research work introduced me to some amazing people and my instant bond with Mandy eased some of my homesickness. She became my "person in case of an emergency" and someone I knew I could call if I needed to. I fell in love with her family and admired her intelligence, kindness, patience and ambitions. 

Then about half way into the program, my financial stress led me to a job with Big Peach Running Co., where I met a team of runners with inspirational goals and welcoming personalities. Work was fun and I enjoyed getting to know some truly wonderful individuals. They showed me new running routes in the woods, convinced me to do a night headlamp run (where Lauren got attacked by a bat) and motivated me to stay active. 

However, apart from work and my fellowship, I spent most of my free time studying. My accelerated MBA plans, non-business background and obsession with getting only "A"s meant I had very little social life.

Dan and I had to depend on Skype and multiple daily phone calls to keep us connected. Over the last 18 months we managed to fit in 13 visits (one meet up in the Bahamas and one trip to the Baltic)! The airport became a place of anxious unions and tearful goodbyes. After every visit, I started counting down until the next. His support, encouragement and patience through all of this is almost unreal. I have never known anyone so thoughtful, caring and lovable! 

And, what I lacked in a social life, I made up for in my exciting study abroad trips to Dubai and Guatemala! My 3 week trip to the rural highlands of Guatemala was definitely the highlight of my MBA and it was just the trip I needed to remind me why I wanted my MBA in the first place. It wasn't just about a better salary or more credentials but it was about gaining skills to improve non-profit/socially driven organizations. 

Yes, it’s been a roller-coaster these last 18 months! And even as I am writing this entry, trying to communicate how hard it was being down here alone, I realize how blessed and incredible this whole experience has been. Even with the holidays I spent away from family or the Friday nights I had to go out single...there were still positives that came out of it all. And, probably the most important lesson I learned from all this is that I do need family and friends. For awhile I thought I could be happy working internationally following the top development projects but now I know that my best work will be based in Minnesota because that really is where my heart is. Yes, the heartland may be cold and flat but it is where I am meant to be...

I will miss all the wonderful people I have met down here in Georgia.  I will miss running Kennesaw Mountain, the weather, the hospitality, the southern accent, the biscuits, the grits, and this list goes on...know that there is an open invitation in Minnesota if any of you southerners ever venture up north. We have the boundary waters and the TC marathon that should bring a few of you up some day. 

Now...back to packing. I will keep you posted on how the next chapter of my life begins. 

Rejected!

Today between doing my strategy and accounting homework, I received an email saying "thanks but we are perusing other candidates." It was from a company I applied to a few weeks ago and even though I figured too much time had passed for there to be good news, I was still hoping I was wrong. It was the first job (post-MBA) and the only job so far that I have applied to and yes, I know there is probably going to be a long list of rejections before I find the right fit, but that doesn't make it any easier. The hardest part was that the job really sounded like a good fit for me. It was a Corporate Social Responsibility position filled with opportunity, growth, challenges, rewards and most importantly- a social mission.

I went to the gym shortly after the email and felt like I had a big REJECTED stamp on my forehead. I told myself this was only the beginning and my mom's words kept echoing in my head "there is a perfect job out there with your name on it- you just have to find it". Moms are smart and even if they are biased, I do believe she is right- something out there is in need of my skills, passion and commitment and I just need to be patient with myself and the job hunting process. After all, it wouldn't be fair to get the first job I apply for. First the process has to build you up, shake you around and then crush you a few times so that when the right offer comes along, you take it without looking back.

So tonight I will remind myself of my intentions and honor my promise to allow a little time to celebrate my MBA achievement before giving in to my type A controller inner-self. I will enjoy the holidays and all the amazing blessing I have been given. I will have faith that my hard work and goals will pay off and surrender my fears, worries and self-doubt. I will pray that god directs me toward a job that not only provides for me but also for others.

And lastly, I will keep going running because after an hour of working out, my sweat must have wiped away that REJECTED sign on my forehead and replaced it with HOPEFUL.

I want to beg you, as much as I can,

to be patient toward all that is unresolved

in your heart and to try to love the questions

themselves like locked rooms and like books

that are written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not seek the answers, which cannot

be given you because you would not be able

to live them.

And the point is to live everything.

Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will then gradually,

without noticing it, live along

some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)