Daily Intentions: May 2015

My previous post on February 20th happened to be the same day we met our little baby Calvin. I was not feeling great that morning and thought I was coming down with some sort of flu bug. I had finally decided to stop trying to "self induce" by walking the treadmill, bouncing on the yoga ball and testing out all the old wives tales. I asked if Dan wanted to meet me at noon for lunch at Whole Foods and immediately upon perusing the deli counter, I was hit with my first REAL contraction. I knew this one was not like the others and told Dan that we had to go home. But then the pain stopped and I felt okay so I changed my mind and started looking for my lunch. This happened about 2-3 more times before I finally told Dan that I officially had to leave but still wanted him to grab me a Jamba Juice.

I had driven separately and I think Dan secretly thought this was another false alarm so we both decided it was safe to just meet each other at home. During my 1.5 mile drive home, I had two contractions that probably could have caused an accident (warming- don't drive while in labor!). I knew Dan would be a few minutes behind me so I immediately called my mom when I got home- as if she might be able to ease the pain over the phone. At this point, the contractions were strong, every 3-4 minutes and lasting about a minute so I knew we had to get to the hospital soon even though I had imagined laboring for hours at home. When Dan got back with the Jamba Juice in hand, I told him to get the bags in the car and be ready to leave. He was moving WAY to slow so my tone might have shifted to be a bit more demanding.

On the drive to Fairview Southdale, I remember feeling like Dan was going over every possible pothole and told him to take a different route! We got to the hospital at 2:00 p.m. and checked in to the maternal assessment room to see if I was truly in labor. It didn't take them long to realize I was and that things were progressing really fast. By the time I walked down the hall, I was already dilated from 4 to 5cm. I got an epidural and was SO relieved to finally take a deep pain-relief breath around 4:30 pm.

Details between the hours of 4:30-9:58 are better told in-person (wink faced emoji inserted here)

Calvin Jack Gustafson was born that night, February 20th at 9:58 p.m. My first words after his birth were "cry little guy cry" as I eagerly waited to hear his first breath and healthy lungs. If I close my eyes now, I can still feel the warmth of his little body against mine and tears dripping down my cheek as I studied every little inch of our baby Cal. I can recall my first look into Dan's eyes that communicated our immense joy for our new family of three.

The following few days getting to know our little baby involved every possible emotion. SO much love also brought worry, anxiety, happiness, vulnerability and exhaustion. We struggled in the beginning with breastfeeding and now I feel like I could write a whole book just on my journey lactating (not that anyone would want to read it)! Fortunately, I was surrounded by my amazing husband, mom, dad, in-laws, family and friends to help reassure me that I was good enough to provide this little guy with all he needed.

Little burp face

I am not one to sugar coat things and could also write a few chapters about all the things that surprised me after birth. Not sure why so much focus is on creating a birth plan when really it is a postpartum survival plan that is most important. But, like other moms, we soon forget the delivery and postpartum challenges because enormous love has that effect.

Sleep when the baby sleeps

First day at home

11 weeks later and SO in love with baby Cal

The last 11 weeks have truly been a blessing. Some nights I get excited for him to wake up just so I can hold him and see his smiles (but NEVER wake a sleeping baby because sleep is SO priceless). Watching Dan read to Cal, exchange smiles and sway in the moby melt my heart. Seeing our parents fall in love with Cal and the joy he brings into their lives gives grandparenting a whole new meaning to me.

This weekend we celebrated motherhood and I got a chance to both honor my own introduction into this lifelong adventure, as well as thank my mother for all the love, joy, sacrifice, selflessness and kindness she has shared with me. I am humbled by my new role as a mother and will continue to thank god for giving us the privilege to be parents.